What to do about the Middle East(Satire)


The obvious answer is withdrawal. As a libertarian this is my preference. However we know that America is never leaving the middle east. So what do we do with this region? Annexation and military dictatorship are the solution.


If we aren’t going to leave we should just annex the entire area and put it under military control. Why? Because the only way to successfully nation build in the middle east is to destroy Islamic culture and replace it with western culture. To do that we should put in place a military dictator answerable only to the President. That dictator will then enact the following plan:

  1. Disarmament.
  2. Instant death for rapists, theives, and murderers caught in the act; no trial.
  3. Forced reeducation of Muslims.
  4. Education of women first and then men.
  5. The destruction of the Grand Mosque at Mecca and the exile of Muslims from Mecca.
  6. Juries for rapes not caught in process to be made up of all women.

Once Islamic culture is successfully destroyed in the middle east the following will be the policy of granting the middle East its independence back:

  1. Gradual rearmimemt of citizens starting with women and ending with men.
  2. Creation of American styled Republics with free elections.
  3. Creation of economy by send libertarian economists to advise new governments.
  4. Establishment of universities and building of Churches, Synagogues, and Buddhist, Hindu, and Confucius Temples.
  5. Training of domestic police and military.
  6. Withdrawal from the middle east.

I will defend all of this in the next several sections.


The US military will have a problem with terrorists and resistance as long as the citizens have guns. Therefore strip them of Gun ownership for the time being. This will speed up Islam’s repression. The military dictator must be unhindered by pesky Muslim gun owners.

Instant on the spot death for those caught in the act of Murder, rape, or theft.

Islam is a sadistic death cult and the real rape culture in the world. The only sensible way of dealing with this problem is zero tolerance. Soldiers should have shoot to kill orders to deal with such crimes. Such a harsh policy will deter said crimes.

Forced Reeducation of Muslims

Muslims have been taught that women, gays, and nonmuslims are lesser beings. They are brainwashed to their deluded beliefs. Therefore it’s prevelant that we forcibly reverse this brainwashing. Make them westerners.

Education of Women first then Men

Every civilization needs educated individuals in order to survive. Women are forbidden to be educated in Islamic society. Thus education should begin with women in order to destroy this sensibility and provide educated citizens.

Destruction of the Grand Mosque and ban of Muslims from Mecca

Pilgrimage to the Grand Mosque at Mecca is one of the pillars of Islam. By destroying the Mosque and banning Muslims from Mecca you desecrate that part of Islamic culture.

Rape Juries to be all Female

Muslims men are taught that women are only worth half of them. Therefore Muslim men are unfit to sit on juries considering rape charges.

Gradual rearminent of citizens starting with Women and ending with Men

Free citizens should be able to defend themselves. Since we are transitioning to a free society citizens should be rearmed. Women are more likely to be raped so give them guns first.

Creation of American styled Republics with free elections

Since Islamic culture has been destroyed we can trust that citizens of the middle east with self determination. Create an American styled republic. They can handle it.

Creation of economy by sending Libertarian economists to advise new governments

We want the new nations to be prosperous. Plus this is an opportunity to prove that superiority of the free market. Libertarian economists will be able to ensure this.

Establishment of Universities as well as Non-Muslim religious institutions

Education and religion are vital. Since we have destroyed Islam we have to replace it with something.

Training of Military and Police

A country has to be able to defend itself. We don’t want to come back. Train their military and police and we won’t have to.


The whole goal. Everything done up till this point is pointless if we can’t leave without it falling apart.


The above plan is the only one that will fix the middle east. It will be costly and violate human rights. Don’t like it? Then leave the middle east you retards!

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